Right Side of the Wrong BedSummary:

the prompt was "hal lives on the floor above barry in an apartment complex and comes home drunk one night and gets off the lift at the wrong stop and tries to get into barry's flat thinkin that it's his". things got out of hand.

Notes:

i finally wrote this!!! it took me ages lmao ive had this planned for like a month
pls note this is my first time writin halbarry so if i mischaracter them a wee bit im sorry uwu

shoutout to my bae @caroldanvers elle for giving me the prompt ily ur fab hope u enjoy this piece of shit fic
also shoutout to my mate steph for coming up with the title ur a lifesaver and the title is awesome just like u xoxo kisses

if i included any britishisms instead of the american terms im sorry and feel free to point it out to me if you feel it's very notiecable i would be genuinely interested :D

Work Text:

Barry loved it when Wally visited. He really did, Wally was a great kid: adorable, full of energy and already showing signs of a smart mind, not to mention a smart mouth. At seven years old, the kid always had a ball bursting into Barry's apartment and completely trashing the place, building blanket forts or coming up with some kind of "science experiment". Barry loved Wally to pieces, put he was quite a lot to deal with when you had a lecture next morning and really needed sleep. Luckily, Barry's adoptive sister Iris was a literal godsend and had just managed to bustle the little ginger out of the living room, where he had been experimenting to find out just how hard he could squeeze a tube of toothpaste before it burst and started oozing out everywhere. Needless to say, Barry was going to have his work cut out for him attempting to clean the fallout up.

"Thanks Iris, you're saving my life here. Seriously." She grinned and pecked him on the cheek.

"That's what I'm here for, Barry: life saving and monster children collecting!" Wally giggled at the face she pulled at him.

"I'm not a monster, Aunt Iris! Monsters don't exist! I know that, I'm a scientist!" Barry laughed and ruffled Wally's hair.

"Close the door behind you!"

Now, Barry needed to try and salvage his living room from Wally's destruction.

After an exhausting half hour of cleanup, Barry wandered to the bathroom for the shower he felt he most definitely deserved. It was already quite late, but he really couldn't face going to bed when practically every part of his body still smelled like mint toothpaste. Desperate to get under the warm water, he switched the shower on and stripped as fast as he could. Relief filled him as he jumped in and felt the tenseness leave his muscles, slowly but surely. After slathering his head with shampoo and washing it out Barry allowed himself to just relax. He had really been overworking himself lately. He switched the shower off and slung a towel around his hips, feeling absolutely, completely ready for bed and glorious sleep. He made his way into his bedroom. There was his bed; big, beautiful, soft, fluffy, and with a hot brunet passed out on top.

Wait, what?
Letting out a slightly unmanly shriek, Barry panicked. Who was this guy? He looked familiar, but Barry couldn't quite place him. How did he get in? How could a single person snore that loudly? Barry grabbed his phone, unsure as to exactly who he planned on calling but he knew he should call someone. Who do you call when a stranger turns up in your bed? Suddenly, the guy on the bed groaned.

"Bro. Why're you in my room." Guy-On-Barry's-Bed slurred out. Barry raised an eyebrow.

"This is my room, "bro". In my apartment, actually." Guy-On-Barry's-Bed's eyes widened comically.

"Ohhhhh shit. This's all Ollie's fault. Him and his damn ugly beard. Gimme a sec."

Instantly sounding remarkably less drunk, he pushed himself into a sitting position. Counting to three under his breath, he stood up beside Barry. And then collapsed.
Barry grabbed him before he hurt himself, but he was heavier than Barry had expected and they both fell down in a heap on the floor. Guy-On-Barry's-Bed burst into breathless giggles, and Barry suddenly remembered where he had seen him before.

"You live in the flat above, don't you?" Barry had noticed him before. Cheekbones like that were hard to forget.

"Must do. 'M Jal Hordan. No, wait." The brunet's eyes crossed in concentration. "Haldan Jord."

Barry snorted with laughter.

"Really."

"Mh-hmmm." The man's eyes fluttered shut and Barry suddenly realized that they were both lying on Barry's bedroom floor and that he was only wearing a towel. A towel that was, by some miraculous power, still protecting his dignity. But only just. Barry thanked his lucky stars that he didn't have a roommate, because this probably looked really bad.

"Okay Haldan Jord, here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna sit on the bed, very kindly not falling into a drunken stupor while I put some clothes on and then I'll help you get to your own bed, alright?"
The brunet opened his eyes a sliver as Barry gently shook him in an attempt to get a response, eyes trawling over Barry's bare chest in a way that made him blush before grunting. Taking that as a yes, Barry struggled to hoist him up onto the bed in a slouched sitting position, carefully ensuring his night-time visitor was facing away from the dresser before turning around to put some clothes on. The second he did so, Barry heard a dreaded flump and loud snores began filling the room.

"Nonononononononono don't you dare!" Barry scolded the sleeping form on his bed, yet again face down and loud as a rhino.

"This is my bed! I was looking forward to this bed! I have class tomorrow!"

The snores continued, apparently unmoved by his desperate pleas.
Barry shook him gently. Then, harder. Still nothing.

Deciding against the increasingly tempting option of kicking him head-first off of his bed, Barry grabbed a pillow and a blanket from a cupboard stored for when Wally or Iris stayed over. Of course, the last person to use it had been Iris so they both had pastel pink covers with My Little Pony characters on. Of course. Iris didn't even like My Little Pony, she just insisted on using them every time to annoy him. Barry began wondering what he had done in the last few days to piss off whatever deity lived up there so much. Ok, so he had told Diana about Bruce's enormous crush on her. But they had ended up together, so that had been okay, hadn't it? He groaned. Thinking about Bruce and Diana made him remember how much his love life really sucked ass. He hadn't had a girlfriend in months since Patty and he had called it off and a boyfriend in even longer. He needed to get laid, but he'd never been comfortable with casual sex. Was God punishing him because he hadn't had sex in ages? Because that would just be adding insult to injury.

Barry needed to talk to someone about this. Possibly a therapist. On his way to the sofa in the living room area, he spotted the wide open front door. That's how the bastard got in! Grumbling to himself, Barry grabbed his phone and dialled Iris' number.

"Oh my God Barry, do you know how late it is?" She sounded tired, Barry noted, not feeling guilty in the least.

"I do know, Iris. I also know what you forgot to do." Barry slammed the door to emphasize his point, hoping she could hear it over the phone.

"I closed it! I swear, I remember closing it on Wally's toy by accident!"

"So, you didn't actually close it properly."

There was a pause and some rustling and mumbling over the line, and Barry felt slightly guilty as he realized he'd most likely woken Eddie up as well, sleeping next to Iris.

"I'm sorry, Bear! Is everything okay?" Barry steeled himself not to yell.

"No, everything is not okay because there is now a strange man passed out snoring in my bed! I was in a towel! He fell on top of me!"

Iris gasped in delight, all sincerity clearly forgotten and Barry began wondering, not for the first time, why he ever told her anything.

"That sounds like the plot from a bad romance novel. Is he hot? Tell me he's hot, oh my God! No, wait, I don't trust your judgement just send me a picture on Snapchat."

"Iris, his hotness is beside the point! He's in my bed!"

"Aha, so you admit he's hot. Interesting. The fact that he's in your bed is why it's so important! Send me a picture, now!"

Barry sighed , knowing he'd never hear the end of it if he didn't.

"I hate you. So, so much." He whispered as he made his way toward the bedroom, the snores constantly increasing in volume. He took a picture of the brunet in his bed, and sent it to iris_westie on Snapchat. On the phone, Iris whistled and Barry received the notification that she had taken a screenshot.

"Iris!" Barry hissed, attempting to convey his disapproval over the phone, "Delete that!"

Seemingly ignoring him as per usual, Iris seemed very appreciative. "That is a nice ass. Very nice ass. I can't see the face though, get closerrrr!" Iris' wheedling was something Barry was both used to and highly susceptible to.

"Fine, but only if you promise not to screenshot again!"

"I promise!"

It was a shame that silent scepticism was so hard to convey on the phone. Feeling incredibly awkward, Barry moved right next to his face and took another picture. Iris screenshot it instantly.

"Remind me why I ever believe your promises?"

"You don't, you just know there's no other choice."

Barry snorted.

"Bartholomew Allen, if you do not sleep with this man, I will sleep with him myself I swear to God."

"What about Eddie?" Barry heard a distant teasing, "Yeah, what about Eddie?" followed by Iris' "Shh, I'd only use him for sex. I mean, look at him."

There was a pause, and Eddie's reply of "She has a point" made all guilt he felt for waking the man up fly out of the window. Or rather, the open door that had started all of this. He really had to be cursed. Barry groaned.

"Seriously though, Barry, you're alright aren't you? Do you want me to come and help you move him or something?"

"No, no, I'll be fine. He lives in the flat above me, I've noticed him before. He is pretty hot, and he was definitely looking me over earlier. In the whole 'I might look straight but I'm secretly about as straight as instant ramen' way, y'know."

Barry was fairly sure he was suffering from sleep deprivation, or something. He couldn't believe those words had actually left his mouth. Iris let out what sounded suspiciously like a muffled squeal of delight.

"I'm so happy for you! It's seriously about time you found someone new, you know. But if you're going to seduce him, which I would recommend because he is gorgeous and probably out of your league judging by that expensive leather jacket – kidding! I'm kidding, Bear – you should take his shoes and jacket off and make him comfortable!"

Barry frowned.

"I'm fairly sure that'd be vaguely scary." Iris coughed.

"This guy you've never met before literally fell asleep in your apartment. I'd say you are the less scary person if you just make him comfortable. Ooh, see if his wallet is in his pocket to find out his name! Then I can look him up on Facebook!"

Barry rolled his eyes.

"That is definitely veering into creepy stalker-ville, Iris. Anyway, he told me his name. Ish. I'm not sure 'Haldan Jord' is an actual name."

"He was drunk enough to forget his own name? No wonder he got into the wrong apartment!"

Barry huffed a laugh.

"Alright, it's way too late. And you have class in the morning, I thought? Isn't that why I had to rescue you from the clutches of the ginger wonderkid?"

"I think I'll skip class tomorrow. Absolutely no way I'll be functioning at a reasonable hour. But anyway, you're right. Night, Iris."

"Call me if you need me. And call him!"

"That makes no sense. I don't have his number, and he's asleep. On my bed."

"Oh shush, you killjoy. Keep me up to speed or I'll hit you!"

Barry rolled his eyes.

"Thanks, Iris. Love you too."

Barry hung up and began wrestling the brunet's shoes off his feet. Taking his jacket off proved more of a challenge, and Barry's stomach lurched when he began to stir halfway through Barry removing it. Not a position he wanted to be caught in. Luckily he settled down again and Barry rolled him onto his side, which thankfully helped to relieve the snoring. Pushing him under the blankets, Barry's eyes suddenly met the bright green orbs of the man sleeping in his bed as he suddenly regained consciousness. Caught in the act, Barry seemed to begin a staring contest with him as neither of them seemed inclined to look away. Slowly, the other man raised a finger to his own lips, never breaking eye contact as he did so. He licked it, and lowered the digit to Barry's arm. Pressing it down, he made a hissing noise. Barry was decidedly confused about the whole thing.

"Dang, you're hot."

At the sound of the stranger's words, Barry stopped himself from creasing up laughing only through sheer willpower.

"Thanks. You too." Barry said sincerely, feeling secure in the knowledge that the guy'd never remember any of this tomorrow morning. A lazy smirk came over the brunet's face, leaving Barry feeling apprehensive.

"Awesome."

"What? W-Hmmmf!"

With absolutely no warning, the stranger in Barry's bed tugged on Barry's arm and pulled their mouths together. Opening his mouth to try and protest, Barry moaned despite himself as the guy snaked his mouth into Barry's mouth and damn this guy was a good kisser. Barry began kissing back in earnest, but just as soon as the stranger's tongue had begun its onslaught, it ended and Barry was confused for a few seconds. Suddenly, he realized that the rumbling sound coming from the man's chest was snoring, and that he was unconscious again. Incredible.

Barry grimaced at the trail of saliva that remained connecting the two as he drew back. Gross. He was now not only hours too late for anything resembling a normal night's sleep and missing his class because of it, but also covered in somebody else's saliva and horny as hell. Ah well, God seemed to be mad at him anyway. One more little sin couldn't hurt he supposed, as he locked himself into the bathroom and reached for the lube.

Upon waking up in the morning, Barry realized three things: one, that he had indeed overslept. Two: his sofa was really uncomfortable; he really needed to get a new one. Three: something in his kitchen smelt amazing. The sound of frying further suggested that somebody else was cooking, which worried him before he realized that anyone who would hurt him or steal anything would most likely not be in the kitchen making breakfast. As the kitchen was right next to the sitting room and Barry knew from experience how well the sound travelled, he yawned loudly to announce his return to alertness. Somewhat surprisingly, although Barry wasn't sure who else he'd been expecting, the brunet from last night popped his head around the door.

"Ah! You're awake! Listen, I'm really sorry about last night. I've just been through a pretty messy break up and I let my friend Ollie talk me into going out for drinks and it kind of got out of hand – I didn't know I was in your apartment, I swear."

Barry smiled grudgingly.

"It's alright. You mentioned Ollie last night actually – him and his stupid beard?"

The brunet laughed, a proper belly laugh that made Barry's insides go a bit mushy.

"That'd be about right. My name's Hal Jordan, by the way. May I ask the name of my knight in shining My Little Pony bedclothes?" Barry blushed. Hal's smirk was the same as the night before, right before he had kissed him within an inch of his life.

"They're my sister's. I'm Barry, Barry Allen. You did introduce yourself last night, but slightly differently." Hal's eyes widened and he let out a huff of laughter.

"Oh God, I really was far gone, wasn't I? Did I do anything embarrassing?"

Barry's grin was slightly malevolent.

"You mean other than getting into a stranger's bed and then accusing said stranger of being in your room? Not really, you just fell on top of me, and then passed out when I was trying to get changed, then shoved your tongue in my mouth and passed out again when we were getting to the good part?"

Hal's eyes widened with every word.

"Anything else I should know about?"

"You're burning breakfast."

The acrid smell of burning food seemed to suddenly hit Hal's nose as he sped back to the kitchen, muttering an interesting array of expletives. Barry laughed as he entered the kitchen to see Hal wrestling with a smoking frying pan.

"Shall I give you a hand?" Hal grinned at him winningly.

"Nah, I'm fine. You know, I've gotta say-" he leaned in as if about to whisper something to him, and Barry unwittingly moved closer to him.

"Drunk me really has good taste." The hot breath on Barry's ear made him shudder. Feeling bold, Barry leaned forward and closed the space between their mouths. Hal deepened the kiss almost immediately, and Barry's eyes fluttered shut as it turned out Hal was an even better kisser when sober. A sudden klunk and a hissed "Owowowowowowow shit motherfucker" brought Barry back to earth as he realized that Hal had dropped the smouldering frying pan he had been holding onto his own foot. Barry laughed so hard he nearly cried, burying his face in Hal's shoulder as he tried to hop around to remove the pain.

"You dork, oh my God!" Barry hadn't laughed that hard in ages. Hal grinned at him apologetically.

"I might have messed up breakfast." Barry snorted and pulled him in for another kiss.

"That doesn't matter. Just shut up and kiss me before I do something drastic."

Hal grinned smugly and pulled Barry toward him by putting his hand on his hips until they were flush together. Softly pulling him in for a chaste kiss, Barry groaned when Hal rolled his hips against Barry's. Deciding to take the lead on this one, Barry deepened the kiss until it was a filthy thing, both of them seemingly desperate to take things further. Barry broke off to press open mouthed kisses down Hal's collarbone, Hal scrabbling to take Barry's clothes off.

"Bedroom?" Hal asked, panting. Barry nodded.

"Yeah, bedroom. You know the way."

Hal giggled so hard he almost fell over on the way.